Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
