I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
