yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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