how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
