Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
