Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
