Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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