I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
