if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
