Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
