This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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