Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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