woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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