You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
