is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
