There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
