toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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