Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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