Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
