i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
