She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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