Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm too high and old for this...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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