It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
