is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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