Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
