I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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