1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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