my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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