Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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