Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
