Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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