there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
