I just gift wrapped bread.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
