i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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