Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
