I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
