you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
