if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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