I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
