Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
