Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bit a glass in half.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
