She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
