How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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