I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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