Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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