totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
