I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
