Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
