The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
