so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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