Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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