The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
