I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
