Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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