Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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