she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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