My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
