There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
