Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
