Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
