sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize