Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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