Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize