You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
