That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
