Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My vagina is officially offended.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
