Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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