I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
