so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
