You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
