bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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