im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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