plz talk dirty to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
