you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
