You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
