I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize