playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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