That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
