Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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