I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
